On Telling People You're Writing a Novel

It's an odd, conflicted thing, this telling of people that you're writing a novel.

On one hand, it's something you must do (if you're me, at least): I need public accountability. I occasionally need people to think with me through a rough patch. I need a cheering section. Thus using this blog to think "out loud": I need a way to process through all the thoughts I have about writing a massive project anyway, so why not use the blog to do that for all of the above reasons?

But on the other hand, telling people you're writing a novel (at least in person) brings forth a wide variety of responses.

Some people say, "Let me know when it's on the shelf--I'll buy a copy." (Which provokes an internal wince, since you've worked in publishing, even though you have an inkling that this is a fairly marketable idea this time.)

Others say, "Oh yes, you've done something like that before, haven't you?" (Another internal wince, since it seems to imply that the last one didn't go anywhere, but then you remember that most good authors have several novels in a drawer and you brace yourself from the potentially implied criticism.)

And then there's the most useful responses: "Oh, that's so fun. I hope you'll let me read it!"--which inspires a mental note to further explore how much they mean it.

Ultimately, the usefulness of the response has less to do with the words spoken, though, than with the non-verbals that come with it. Smiling, cheeriness, expressions of open faces pledging confidence in your abilities vie with those who have pursed lips and narrowed eyes expressing doubt.

The latter wouldn't affect me so much if I didn't have my own internalized critics of the seemingly grandiose idea of writing a novel to agree with them. After all, I worked in publishing and have been in the game. I know many many people want to be an author of novels and with the state of publishing, many excellently-written stories never make it to print. I know others have inflated senses of their own writing ability and will never make it to print, having written, to echo Lady Bracknell in Wilde's "The Importance of Being Earnest," "a three-volume novel of more than usually revolting sentimentality" or something else that isn't that bad at all but simply isn't quite there yet.

Sometimes my having been "on the other side of the page" can be a hindrance, that way.

And then there's the connotations of the word novel itself. "Writing a dissertation," for instance, was something that sounded a bit grandiose and unachievable to some, but then there was the proof that you were enrolled in a program that helped you along (and some of them knew that previously you'd completed your novel in a drawer, so they were sure you'd finish it). But "writing a novel," yup, that evokes images, for readers, of our favorite novelists, whether literary or popular, and encourages comparisons between whether you'll be able to make it to that level. It helps a bit, for legitimacy, to say you've enrolled in a fiction-writing seminar, but even then, they're not sure.

Ah, the neuroses of the writer! One must constantly fight these narratives with the broader truth: that one's earlier novel manuscript was a good warm-up act that was a lot of fun to write, and it's okay to leave it in a drawer. That one's been researching this particular new DNiP* for a long time and finally needs to take advantage of the time to write it, as life changes quickly and one never knows when one will have another opportunity for a long time. That yes, this particular idea has a good chunk of marketability to it, and one's academic strengths in research methods and in writing persistence and stamina in other genres, as well as research into how communication and storytelling work, will help one, along with one's lifelong love of reading and the enrollment in a fiction-writing class.

Besides, it's a lot of fun to write a novel, most of the time. One gets to create. And practice empathy for one's characters, which in turn helps one practice empathy for other people. So while one feels one has a chance of actually completing it this spring/summer and thence getting it onto the market (cue New Year's resolution), even if that didn't happen, one would still use this precious time to work on this project and drive toward those goals, because one is able to and finds it a worthwhile thing to do.

One just tells people (and updates this blog) to give oneself accountability to others to increase the likelihood of meeting the deadline.

So please keep cheering away on the sidelines, faithful friends who don't mind hearing about my efforts! Thanks for your support!

*DNiP=Dear Novel in Progress

Day 20: Further Up and Further In

Okay, so it's been a weird couple of days, mostly not in a good way, but I don't want to focus on the reasons for that right now. Instead, I'm going to look at the silver linings, even if they're so shiny that they blind me, and even if I stare so long that my eyelids get stuck open like that. So, without further ado,

Good thing #1: On Wednesday afternoon I got excited about my papers again. My archival theory and practice class, as I may have mentioned before, is a service learning class, so I've been working on a collection at a local library. Beyond the paper that's due at the end of the class and the preservation plan I have to hand off to the library, we're doing a day of workshops and making posters for the public promoting the collections we've been working on.

It's these final two things that I got excited about on Wednesday, because with a little help from the professors, I can now see how my fancy conference-paper length academic paper ties to both of these. Which means my research will help people get excited about researching (we hope) as well as help them to figure out what to do with their own collections of documents in their lives. Nice to have a reminder that what I do can directly affect others.

Good thing #2: Thursday, because of various reasons, I wasn't feeling well and stayed home all day. Thankfully, I had just enough energy to get through most of the Victorian mystery novel mentioned here and here, which means that I managed to actually, by having a lousy day, get further ahead on my papers. The panicky time tends to come when one hasn't read one's primary material properly, after all--have to get through that to get the ideas churning for the paper one must write. And churning properly they are--good to be at that stage with two papers now.

Good thing #3: I found out that the library was able to acquire for me the documents I needed from my archival trip to California a few weeks back, which will be helpful, if they arrive on time, for finishing that third major paper of mine. Don't know when they'll get here, but I'm assured they're coming, which is hopefully a good sign. Definitely looking forward to writing that paper, as it's the closest of all to my dissertation research, but waiting on the materials there...which is okay, as now I'm close to being ready to write the other two. Plenty to do.

Good thing #4: Although I found out yesterday I didn't get into yet another class I wanted to get into for next semester (urgh--back to the drawing board there), I did find out that I'm able to TA in the spring, which I'm excited about, especially since I'll be working with one of my professors this semester who I like and is retiring, well, after the spring. Still a few things up in the air for next semester, but at least that one is figured out.

Well, papers to write, papers to write. Better get started on it...

Day 13: The Leaves Might Be Dead, But I'm not Quite Yet

Depressing time of year, November. Here in Indiana, the leaves are mostly off the trees now, and any that aren't are being stripped off by the seemingly incessant cold rains. The sky is that lovely oppressive iron grey color, and once again, predictably, I've fallen into a funk, wishing with the king in Dr. Seuss's Bartholomew and the Oobleck that I could invent a new kind of precipitation.

Or at least have some snow, since it's prettier than rain. Or perhaps hibernate, like the bears.

Of course, there are several other factors adding to this mood. There are several people I'm waiting to hear back from regarding whether I can get a hold of items for my end-of-semester research papers this term, as well as for possibilities for exactly what I'll be doing next semester. And then there are questions with who I'll get to see and when during the Christmas break.

So basically, if I were given the task of marketing The Month of November, I might not be able to come up today with a better slogan than:

NOVEMBER. NOT MUCH FUN.

Then again, unlike the leaves, and despite this miserable waiting (how come Advent, the liturgical season of waiting, always seems to come early to me, I ask?) on several fronts, I'm not dead yet. The glass is half-full as well--granted, at the moment it's half-filled with rain, perhaps, but it's definitely not all bad.

• I'm halfway through my writing experiment, and I'm on track.
• I'm quite a bit more than halfway through my semester, and the next couple of weeks are lighter ones for school assignments, which means I can get ahead on my school assignments and still have space to work on some creative projects too.
• I live a pretty privileged life, really--food, clothes, shelter, grad student life that's intellectually stimulating, etc.

Okay, self-pep talk over. The glass still feels a bit half-empty, but at least I have the oomph to go to school and work on some transcripts before attending my last class for the week. Ooh, there's another one: it's Friday, and I made it this far.